THE FUTURE IS UNWRITTEN

Joe Strummer, how I adored you. Your latest bio-documentary (besides RUDE BOY) is really impressive in its use of the medium of film and what it conveys about an artist who went through several incarnations until his early death at age 50. I remember hearing the news and thinking, "Oh, he's turned fifty--too hard to handle, I wonder." But no, although he met death when identifying his suicidal brother's teenage body, he never stopped talking about how being alive was what we all had in common. He died of a heart defect that had gone undiagnosed.

The film's documents the early life of John Mellor (Joe's given name by his diplomat father and Scottish mother) and how, after his brother's death, he continued on to be what he called a non-stop-talking "git." This git got bad grade except in Art. He could draw. Joe's drawings are interwoven in the film's rich fabric.

Pictures, people who knew him, music, all embellish this tale by the fire, as it were. One of Joe's last drawings was of little islands in a river, each with a fire that one sits by and talks. Many of the people who knew him well sit by these fires in different parts of the world. There are no subtitles identifying the interviewed. The members of his bands, The One-on-One-ers, The Clash, and Joe Strummers and Los Mescaleros needed no titles.

The exploration into his film work both as musician and actor are new. I remember the ...Hell film. One of my housemates was watching it on a summer afternoon in the living room. Usually, I didn't go into the living room, but I was drawn in by Joe's presence in the film. I was drawn into the Red Victorian today to see Joe again onscreen. Although I cried at times and at times didn't understand why he said and did things in this life, I will go back and see this film again.

The Confusion of Non-productivity.

Today was spent on the phone, at the laundromat and in cafes. The state of my papers in my room beckons for clarity. It's muddy in here! I save lots of images for future collages that I have yet to make. That's not all the paper that's lingering around. There are all the bills and receipts and stuff that I have no idea where to put. There is no room in my room. So, I put them in paper bags so that I may go through them sometime.

I almost titled this the "pleasure of non-productivity." At my job I have tons of papers that I have not looked at in years. I went through a box of them from 2005. I think I take great joy in not being organized. There is something uncomfortable about being too neat with the paperwork. Or, maybe I've become too used to spontaneity.

In my social life I would like to see more plans made. I tend to let things be decided at the last moment. It's my sleep schedule that gets in the way; it really dictates my days and nights. I'm so glad to be on vacation and to think that I don't have to get up at 7:00 am tomorrow. Lucky!!1

Happy Birthday to me and thank the gods for Zante's

Happy Birthday, Jennifer. Yes...born on the day before Jesus. Many restaurants were closed today. I'm so lucky. One friend took me to dinner last night (we had Indian/Pakistani food), one friend took me to lunch today at a place in the Haight called Cafe for the People (I think that is its name; the sweet punk rock girl behind the counter gave me a free chai for my birthday), and tonight another friend took me out to dinner. Every restaurant on Valencia and Cortland was closed tonight. I knew Zante's would be open. They got to be pretty packed. It's an Indian restaurant, and I had my fill of naan and chai for another night!

So far my holiday vacation from work has been pretty fun. I still haven't returned the dvd player that doesn't work. I watched a vhs this week, a French film from the early nineties called UN COEUR EN HIVER. I have no idea what winter (hiver) has to do with this film. Daniel Auteuil is the star, and he gives his usual enigmatic performance.

I want to get a dvd player soon. At least I won't miss the Joe Strummer film at the Red Vic this week.

It's my birthday night, and I'm spending it with the two cats, Pablo and Budders. Pablito really likes the fact that I sleep in in the mornings, because he's tired then, too. Maybe I'll paint tomorrow during the day before I go over to my friends' house.

Oh, the Judeao-Christian holidays.

It's so much easier for me to be a Hindu. Praying is a good thing. But the Judaeo-Christian "holidays" are something to be thankful for. In the United States, people who work for the government in the United States get paid on the Judaeo-Christian holidays. It's so cool--I can be a Hindu (and an aspiring Tibetan Buddhist) AND still get time off.

I'm getting tired of being alone, though. Even my once-a-week meetings have ended because I don't want to put myself down any more. He can call me and kiss me good-bye. But he chooses not to. Therefore, I don't choose him.

What is my problem with relationships? Only my pediatrician knows for sure. As a child, I was never encouraged to think in terms of a happy family life because I didn't have one. I spent most of my time in my room (yes, I'm thankful I had my own room).

Now, living in San Francisco on a public school teacher's salary, I have my own room. It is smaller than the one I had when I was a child. I have no formal closet. All my video and music stuff is all over the place as are my papers. I can only paint in watercolors. Why have I put up with this life for so long? When is a man going to enter my life and me his? I really miss living with a man as a romantic partner. I've probably lived with six or more guys for over 2 years or more in my lifetime.

JEANETTE ET MARIUS

The film MARIUS is a famous early film from France (I think it's from the late 1930's). This film is set in Marseilles. JEANETTE ET MARIUS, a film from 1997, ia set in Marseilles. I recommend viewing this film. It has much to say about love and society.

But I digress. I really want to talk about the nature of having sex with someone one has just met and knows is not going to be any more than one night of sex. Last Christmas I almost did the one-night stand thing with someone I met at some longtime friends' party. We kissed but didn't go home together because my housemate was with us.

This year I had to see this person again. He took my phone number at the party a year ago and never called me. I never ran into him with my friends. Tonight he was such a complete asshole. When I was in my twenties and thirties, I was never treated this way...like some fucking saint who overlooks the stupidity, vapidity and shallowness of another person in the name of feeling like justice has been served. The saint is a martyr. The other person is just being a moronic human being. The saint is exalted.

I was a fucking saint tonight. I told this guy he was a straight (meaning conservative, drinker type) asshole. He is so stupid to me. But the one is who is really vacant is me. This guy is 22-years-old with maybe a high school education. I'm the one with all the education of a newt following the fragrance of my cunt toward what is merely meat. It's time to buy some veggie dogs.

Jeannette get together with Marius in the aforementioned film because they are contemporaries, they understand one another. Actually, I don't think it's an ageist thing with me. It's a question of intelligence. If you're cognitively impaired by ignorance or lack of empathy, then you're probably really happy. There's only oneself and one's shallowness to puddle around in.

I forgot to mention the call-in show.

Ever since this past summer I knew at one point I'd try having my own 1/2 hour cable (San Francisco's accessf) show on Friday nights. This past Friday was the second show so far. I have so much anxiety about getting there on time. I was 20 minutes late to the Flash studio training, and I was warned IN A SCAREY way that if I were late 2 times to a shoot, that it would be the end of my show.

I thought about it today, and I'm glad that I'll have some time off work for two weeks. Teaching grade school is just too involving. Special Education is a special kind of drain. The first show went really well, but I had to rush through dumb San Francisco Friday night traffic to get there a half hour before the show. The show is on at 7:00 p.m. It was so much fun for me to play around and have fun on this show.

The first show, Jack from the Bargain Basement Band (the band I always jam with on the The Bro Jud on Love Energy Show), was on, and we played music together. He played his guitar and sang, and I played my tabla (without the bhayan). It was so fun. This past Friday, Sam Geppi, the Vedic Astrologer, was on. I asked him if he wanted to play music, but he really did have alot to say. My fascination with Vedic practice of all kinds rocks on.

Meanwhile, Sam will be on the show again this Friday. He'll talk about the positive effects of Jupiter and Mars on the present. This past week he answered a caller about the moon and spoke about Venus and the Moon. Venus is in Libra now. On the 25th it goes into Scorpio. Since my birthday is on the 24th, I'll be feeling the effects of the Venusian movement more deeply, since it will be the time of my solar return: Sagittarius can handle Venus in Scorpio. I just now wondered: do people get bored hearing about other people's charts than they're own?

HEREMAKONO and JAMON JAMON

I had just bought a DVD player. The two other ones I had broken. It was Thanksgiving weekend, and the video store was completely ravaged of all the new dvds. I just happened to see this film at the side of the new releases. It is called HEREMAKONO, or il attende le bonheur. It is a film by Sissako. He studied filmmalking in Russia. The montage effect is so evident in this film. Instead of dialogue, there are scenes to the tell the story with no dialogue. The main character is a traveller. He has come to another place. There are many scenes of him just staring, and the "unprofessional" actor who plays him stares very well.

JAMON JAMON is a more recent one I've seen. I'm trying to improve my Spanish. It's easier for me to listen to Spanish in (I suppose) a Madrid accent. I initially learned Spanish from Catholic nuns from Spain. I still haven't completed a Spanish class since elementary school! Meanwhile, I got this film in Spanish because I had wanted to see it and had somehow heard about it. It is an older film and stars Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem in it as lovers in their early twenties.

I discussed this film with a friend of mine from Mexico. The notion of "puta" or whore in the film was an important one for him. I thought the film was funny and cynical at the same time. The constantly unleashed passions of the characters was hilarious; he association of penis excitement with bull fighting is an example. The obsession with breasts and size is, too. I wonder if Penelope Cruz had her breast enhancement surgery after the making of this film.

Somehow the association of ham and pigs with these characters best exemplifies its cynical naturalism. The pigs are just as attractive as the characters. Maybe the relationship between ham, pigs, and passionate humans overpowered my vegetarian leanings such that the leg of pig that Javier Bardem swings at his lover's fiancee didn't make me flinch but seemed appropriate.