I heard "Blonde on Blonde" for the first time.

I just wrote a long blog on my hair and what I like about this cd and Nada Surf. But it wouldn't publish it...I'll try again

I wrote a blog, but they wouldn't publish it

I heard "Blonde on Blonde" for the first time.

My hair is faux blonde. It is pretty long, and I have alot of fun with it occasionally. Gone are the days of really fun hair--for the moment. Everyone's trying so hard to make their hair stay closer to their heads. Why have hair? It can be annoying. I'm having one of those I hate my hair days. I wish I had greasy, thin, straight hair. Instead I have very thick, dry slightly wavy hair. BOring.

Meanwhile, tonight I tried to spend some precious moments not thinking about my job and listened to Dylan's "Blonde on Blonde." I kept hearing about it when I would listen (in my car--which was very often) to Nada Surf's eponymous cd. "I've got 'Blonde on Blonde' on my portable stereo. It's a lullaby from wonder woman's radio..." So, I listen to it, and I found it ethereal. Dylan's voice often sounds the same, but the rhythms and melodies don't. They all have something in common: their layered, suggesting other worlds and existences.

I have the flu.

I don't know what it is. I either feel like sleeping or overdoing it. There is a child in my Special Education classroom who has
a constant repiratory infection. He is also quite cognitively impaired. But he does walk and knows how to get what he wants from adults!

In any case, most people in the class have had this cold/flu. They all have gotten a cold. I always get a really achey body flu. I'd rather have a stuffy head than all these body aches.

Why am I writing? Maybe it's because I missed Psychic Horizons tonight because I'm sick and I have to sit and meditate instead of writing all this boring stuff that I write. Today I read about the film THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI. I saw this film when I was
an Art student. In the context of Freud and the Expressionists and the whole German Gestalt, one can imaging that this film pre-sages the rise of a madman like HItler.

Today is the birthday celebration for Amma at the ashram.

Amma's birthday is actually September 27th. The ashram is having a birthday celebration. Back in 2003, I went to her 50th
birthday event which was very well-attended in Cochin, near where Amma's ashram in India is situated. At that time, there were
few people there. I think many people actually went to India. In any case, there will be quite a few people there tonight. I am glad that Amma is becoming more recognized thanks to the film DARSHAN and the news media.

Tonight I am driving friends up to the ashram. It is a bit of a drive. The anticipation of finding peace at the ashram will be there. Hopefully I will remain peaceful within as I can. This week was a total nerve-blower. Fortunately, yesterday I got a
treatment for my neck at my physical therapists' place. She recommended dancing! Somehow my mind is not in that place where I want to jump around, so I've been listening to music that penetrates the inner self and nerves.

In addition, I've had to deal with the fact that there is still a roommate in this house who makes me uncomfortable. He has done many things to make me feel invalidated. It's difficult, but I'm holding my aura steady. (I may have to do that at the
ashram--one never knows!)

Meanwhile, I want to complain (sorry, Amma) that I have received three overtures from women to my craigslist posting for a MAN. This has never happened until the past couple of months. It really bothers me. I'm wondering why it bothers me so much. Has this ever happened to a man who has posted to craigslist personals? Maybe it's just weird to me that a woman would look in the personals where women are searching for men. Perhaps there are too many gambling shows on TV...you
know, those poker ones? Everyone's trying to get what they want--if it means playing a dumb game with oneself.

I'm ambivalent but in need of some fun.

I had been seeing a guy from India for the past month on Friday nights. It was actually kind of fun because neither one of us
knew what to make of the other. He is making 3 times what I make, he gets to work when he wants and tends to work at night.
I have to get up at 7:30; I am not an early riser.

If Sanjay had been more--of a listener than a talker, maybe we could have gotten together more easily. I'm not really loquacious at all, but I do prefer to have someone listen to what I'm saying than talking over me. Such was Sanjay. I'll miss him until I meet someone equally different from me who makes me laugh.

The time for homework.

So many good students find time to do their homework. I suppose I am a really bad student. There are 6 chapters that should have been read by now for my Film History class, and I've read about 5 pages. The topic is basically film from 1894 to 1945. I took the class in Spring semester and the history followed the period of 1945 to the present. This class was more fun for me.

American history is quite boring. But the formation of the star system and the use of the camera in film is something we have studied. And, of course, how actors and actresses came to earn so much money. So much of American cinema from this period is propaganda. Duh, you say.

What people you think you know send you in an e-mail.

How many people have received an e-mail from someone they thought they knew in the spamblocker? I usually never check earthlink's spamblocker. I had been getting such slutty, funny, silly mail before I asked them to conduct their spamblocker on my mail. I assumed that they would just pick off the ugly stuff from someone's best pal and that would be it for that. But no, the spamblocker only stills (still talking about it) everyone's mail who isn't in my contacts list. How simple for earthlink.

Meanwhile I was looking at the 9 blocked mails in one raid and saw a familiar name. Now, I don't know this woman very well. She is the kind of person one wonders what role she is playing all the time...all the time. She is an Amma devotee. That is not how I know her. I know her from a meditation place.

In any case, she sent me a message from St. Theresa that I were to pass on (i.e., forward) to 11 people--right awayayayay! Then I would be granted some special wish.

There was only time in which a "friend" sent me "this will happen if you do this" message and it did happen. The weird karmic thing is that just as he was calling me I was on the Internet (this was four years ago). I was berating him for not calling me. He had already fucked up with me before when he stayed to talk to a very young woman while my friends and I stood outside waiting for him. He was getting her phone number.

Little Miss Sunshine

Tonight I'm going to go see the film "Little Miss Sunshine." I've heard people say they like it, but I don't know why. Maybe I'll look for some of the things that I've seen in the Film History class, like matching action...

Freedom vs. It's Antithesis

What does it mean to feel free? I returned to my paid work as a Special Education teacher of children with severe disabilities. For the first time in years we have a student with cerebral palsy who has superb cognition. SFUSD used to have a special department for screening children and putting them in appropriate classes. Now, they just stick them in a classroom and let the teacher and staff figure the kid out...what kind of class does the kid need, what kind of things to do and whether augmentative communication would be an emphasis in the kid's education.

This week work was extremely tiring. Our new children (5-year-olds) our somewhat messy (i.e,, don't know how to sit at a table and eat with a spoon or whatever. Too many messes to clean up for me. Can't really complain too much. The week wasn't that bad except for the fact that I kept having all this anxiety about waking up on time. I admit to being a person who likes to sleep after the sun rises. It's extremely hard for me to wake up early.

I also have two night classes. Tuesday's was fascinating because we had a guest speaker on the Azteca/Mayan calendar still used in Mexico. It had astrological connotations and natural things for "signs" just like in Chinese astrology. But this calendar has "flower," "snake," "jaguar."

This has been a fun weekend. I've spent alot time working and talking with Jud. We're thinking about doing a half-hour show on cable tv at night.