Today I was looking at an object that someone had given me last year. I was thinking that I'd like to contact this person so that I could finish the art piece--a linocut. This person has a press. We went out once, and I think we could hit it off as friends--but not in the romantic sense.
So, of course, I was just thinking about this person at noon today (I had the day off for "end of the semester"--believe me, I'm not complaining!!!). I got home from yoga class tonight, happily groggy, to see that this person had sent me a mail today. I hadn't heard from him since Thanksgiving.
Now, my question is this: if I can think about someone and they call, especially someone I haven't conversed with in a long time, why can't I think of someone I just saw last week and have them call me?
Tonight I spoke with one of the major thinkers at Psychic Horizons about karma. She said that karma is made up of images and thoughts and actions that have to be gotten to, have to be centered upon and resolved. Fair enough, I thought. Perhaps there is more to this than my rigid brain wants to let in. It's tough that my non-frigid libido always gets in the way!!!!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Parce que je suis folle.
Last night I went to the ashram in San Ramon. It was so beautiful, the indigo-black sky dotted with stars, with Mars about 2 feet away from a nearly-full Moon.
It was fitting that we talked about astrology...Vedic Astrology. Our friend Mark checked out a book from Amma's library called Vedic Astrology without Tears. I spoke with Sadasiva about the Moon and Mars at dinner after the meditation. He asked me, "Are you feeling angry tonight?" I had to say, no, I wasn't feeling angry. I was just feeling confused because I couldn't meditate. All these memories from the past kept coming up--even Moises. I thought I had forgotten about him.
I asked Sadasiva if he had dated many women from the ashram. He said, yes, he had, and one of those women was at the ashram that evening. He said that Amma throws alot of karmic relationships his way. I said that I have had similar experiences. In 2002 I made out with a guy who was probably 19 or so. When Moises and I got together in 2005, he was 23. The woman Sadasiva had had a relationship with was younger than him also. She came by as he and I began standing up, and he was quick to stop her to talk with him.
Have I learned a lesson from this? I think it's his karma to be lost in the land of wanting a relationship based upon experience rather than appropriateness. I hope that all the relationships I've had have had some love energy--despite the painful karma--swirling among them.
It was fitting that we talked about astrology...Vedic Astrology. Our friend Mark checked out a book from Amma's library called Vedic Astrology without Tears. I spoke with Sadasiva about the Moon and Mars at dinner after the meditation. He asked me, "Are you feeling angry tonight?" I had to say, no, I wasn't feeling angry. I was just feeling confused because I couldn't meditate. All these memories from the past kept coming up--even Moises. I thought I had forgotten about him.
I asked Sadasiva if he had dated many women from the ashram. He said, yes, he had, and one of those women was at the ashram that evening. He said that Amma throws alot of karmic relationships his way. I said that I have had similar experiences. In 2002 I made out with a guy who was probably 19 or so. When Moises and I got together in 2005, he was 23. The woman Sadasiva had had a relationship with was younger than him also. She came by as he and I began standing up, and he was quick to stop her to talk with him.
Have I learned a lesson from this? I think it's his karma to be lost in the land of wanting a relationship based upon experience rather than appropriateness. I hope that all the relationships I've had have had some love energy--despite the painful karma--swirling among them.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Special Education, or, how much attention do you need?
I never complain much about teaching Special Education for the past 10 years. Tonight I was just recalling a time when, during an IEP meeting with about ten people present, I got up and walked out, crying. The emotional pressure was too much; I couldn't handle what the "therapist" was saying about this child with cerebral palsy. The therapist wanted to demit the child from services, and I completely disagreed.
It still happens now that a therapist will demit a child because, supposedly, the child is making no progress. Can I do that, too? Can I tell a parent not to send the child to school because no progress is being made? Whose fault is it?
There is constant attention which must be given to my students with severe impairments. Thankfully, some of them are learning how to use the toilet. But some of them still hit other kids and hurt other kids or refuse to walk or just lie down and scream.
It is my belief in bhakti yoga and Amma that helps me stay afloat in this turbulent ocean. Last year I had four paras, but two of them were out to stab me in the back every day. This year, I have only two paras and more kids. These paras are sweet and have great intentions, but we are understaffed. It is about time that I did something proactive about this situation. I am working too hard, and I have to tell someone who can help me. I already typed up an 8-page table on what all the kids do and what all the adults do to help them. This report was written in November. I still have not heard anything from the Special Education department.
It's ok to feel sorry for me. I do!!!
It still happens now that a therapist will demit a child because, supposedly, the child is making no progress. Can I do that, too? Can I tell a parent not to send the child to school because no progress is being made? Whose fault is it?
There is constant attention which must be given to my students with severe impairments. Thankfully, some of them are learning how to use the toilet. But some of them still hit other kids and hurt other kids or refuse to walk or just lie down and scream.
It is my belief in bhakti yoga and Amma that helps me stay afloat in this turbulent ocean. Last year I had four paras, but two of them were out to stab me in the back every day. This year, I have only two paras and more kids. These paras are sweet and have great intentions, but we are understaffed. It is about time that I did something proactive about this situation. I am working too hard, and I have to tell someone who can help me. I already typed up an 8-page table on what all the kids do and what all the adults do to help them. This report was written in November. I still have not heard anything from the Special Education department.
It's ok to feel sorry for me. I do!!!
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Unicorn, or how high are you.
Tonight the Planet Glee show was really fun. We fixed the cameras and lighting, and I have been so happy that is Friday and I don't have to get up and do public service tomorrow. It's much more entertaining to do the show. I wish this could be my form of public service rather than trying to provide developmental instances for children with severe cognitive disabilities.
Nonetheless I was in a rare mood this evening. I brought a 4" squarish, pointed rose quartz crystal to keep on the desk to channel good, loving vibrations. My guests, Tobias from Total Care Massage and Sam from Sleeping Buddha Massage Therapy were all set; we were all relaxed. We were told it was air time, and I put the crystal on my forehead because I had a slight headache. I told the camera (the viewers, I guess--I don't assume anything!) that I was a unicorn with a headache. I also had a hood on which made me look like a milkmaid (the rainy weather has brought out the braids again).
We got a call almost right away. The caller told me I looked like I was high on something and that he could tell me what would be the best stuff to get high on. I got a little shy, but I said that I was high on Friday and whatever. We stayed talking for about 2 minutes. He said he was watching the show. That's the point, isn't it? I was enthralled with the exchange. Someone else suggested that I should have hung up on him. NO way!
Meanwhile, the rest of the show was fun. We had three more callers. Next Friday there will be a reflexologist on the show...all about feet!!!
I do miss jamming. I'm looking for musicians who can jam with me on the show. I put out a craigslist ad, and I got some good responses. The musicians want to hear my stuff. Let's put it this way: I'm good at faking it!!!
Nonetheless I was in a rare mood this evening. I brought a 4" squarish, pointed rose quartz crystal to keep on the desk to channel good, loving vibrations. My guests, Tobias from Total Care Massage and Sam from Sleeping Buddha Massage Therapy were all set; we were all relaxed. We were told it was air time, and I put the crystal on my forehead because I had a slight headache. I told the camera (the viewers, I guess--I don't assume anything!) that I was a unicorn with a headache. I also had a hood on which made me look like a milkmaid (the rainy weather has brought out the braids again).
We got a call almost right away. The caller told me I looked like I was high on something and that he could tell me what would be the best stuff to get high on. I got a little shy, but I said that I was high on Friday and whatever. We stayed talking for about 2 minutes. He said he was watching the show. That's the point, isn't it? I was enthralled with the exchange. Someone else suggested that I should have hung up on him. NO way!
Meanwhile, the rest of the show was fun. We had three more callers. Next Friday there will be a reflexologist on the show...all about feet!!!
I do miss jamming. I'm looking for musicians who can jam with me on the show. I put out a craigslist ad, and I got some good responses. The musicians want to hear my stuff. Let's put it this way: I'm good at faking it!!!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Venus is in Scorpio, or Planet Glee
I remember really liking the writings of Theodor Adorno. He was part of the reading list for a one of my courses in Marxist criticism at Berkeley. Somehow now he is reminding me of Kierkegaard, the either/or. Oh, I'm writing about my title for this blog. I wrote a paper on Adorno called 'Theodor, or the Adornos.'
Venus is in Scorpio now and for a while. Jupiter is in Sagittarius, which is a good thing. Some things can seem dark, but the idealim of a strong Jupiter can keep the boat afloat and more.
Meanwhile, tomorrow is another night of Planet Glee. We will try to fix the cameras to give the illusion that we are not in a fishbowl like in the other shows. My guests will be massage therapists demonstrating some techniques and best practices. Planet Glee is a call-in show. It's on channel 76 in San Francisco at 7 p.m. on Fridays.
Venus is in Scorpio now and for a while. Jupiter is in Sagittarius, which is a good thing. Some things can seem dark, but the idealim of a strong Jupiter can keep the boat afloat and more.
Meanwhile, tomorrow is another night of Planet Glee. We will try to fix the cameras to give the illusion that we are not in a fishbowl like in the other shows. My guests will be massage therapists demonstrating some techniques and best practices. Planet Glee is a call-in show. It's on channel 76 in San Francisco at 7 p.m. on Fridays.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Happy New Year to me.
I spent most of last week going to sleep early. Back to work, and I didn't want to be sleep-deprived given the weird emotional nature of the beginning of a new year. On my first day back to work, at 6:25 am, I was trying to pick up the striped kitten Pablo and he got skittish, his back paw leaving an almost 2" slice of cat claw in my index finger on my dominant hand.
But I stayed steadfast in my desire to return to work and do what I had to do. I'm glad I had my Elmo bandaids.
Meanwhile, I did the chance to see two films WHEN THE CAT"S AWAY (CHACUN CHERCHEZ LE CHAT) and THE BUDDHA OF SUBURBIA. I hadn't seen either film for almost three years. What do they have in common?
But I stayed steadfast in my desire to return to work and do what I had to do. I'm glad I had my Elmo bandaids.
Meanwhile, I did the chance to see two films WHEN THE CAT"S AWAY (CHACUN CHERCHEZ LE CHAT) and THE BUDDHA OF SUBURBIA. I hadn't seen either film for almost three years. What do they have in common?
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