Amma, the ashram, dancing, astrology, morrissey, diego luna

OMG! Today I woke up feeling very loving. I love to look at trees, and I got to see the ones in the back of the house a half-mile away for the first time in a week. Joaquin came and looked over the comforters at me. He stayed and we loved each other until I wanted to get up. The most loving thing to do for me is to drive 50 miles from San Francisco to Amma's ashram. Tonight was the last celebration of the Hindu goddesses, the main ones. There was South Indian dancing afterward which I really tripped on. The rhythm of this dancing is a slight bit like bhangra...duh.

Anyway, I'm tired and I wanted to wonder how diego luna is on my twitter? I discovered this after thinking about what little Sadasiva, a Vedic astrologer here in San francisco, whom I gave a ride home to after the ashram. was saying about astrology. He wasn't even discussing the incredible moon or something I said about mercury. And, of course, the underground discussion going on on another plane, about Scorpio and Venus.

Then I came home and turned on The Smith's Meat is Murder, burned some flower candles to the goddesses and browsed the net. Somehow a group about Glee News is now one of my followers. What is that show about? I can't deal with Fox at all...mindless mind-warping.

Outside Lands, outside galaxies, inside the bathroom...

There are two concerts going on this weekend, with tons of musicians and trees and outside, hence the name Outside Lands...I guess! Needless to say, I wanted to go this year. I always love to see Social Distortion, I have never seen Cat Power, Al Green, or a billion others of the bands. I've seen Furthur, and all the fog would make the bands more green-gray in the night.

With Saturn still in the house of my moon in Virgo, the fog makes me very what-I-don't-know-but-wish-I-did and all that. Men love to make fun of women. 'And if the day came when I felt a natural emotion..." (I'm listening to The Smiths.) Sarcasm kills all love.

Had the opportunity to watch a most manly movie full of sarcasm toward women called THE HOT TUB TIME MACHINE or something like that. When my friend asked me if I wanted to watch a couple of other films I chose the dumbest one and then thought, I think I want to be in a hot tub right now. It has been freezing here in San Francisco for so many days. We are lucky that is all we have to complain about. My main complaint about this film was that the bathroom was a spectator spot and that even puking wasn't funny.

Flaming Lips & Cat Power- War Pigs (Cover)

New Planet Glees and returning to waking early

This summer has been very bizaare for me. Oh well, and then what will happen next? For the moment the new Planet Glees that are being posted to youtube for the first time is the most exciting thing happening for me right now. Tomorrow I have to get up at 7 a.m. I got up around that time yesterday and the day before. Yes, I work an early morning, full-time job. I'm so bored with my "day job"--how can this be? In this case, dollars come into play. I don't get paid to do Planet Glee, but I do get paid to do a service. To do the service, I need to be pretty creative. I hope the lack of sleep doesn't get to me too soon!!!

Planet Glee SF

Watch what you ask for and make sure if you get it...

Summers in San Francisco are often blah for me. I can't get excited about them sometimes. At least, back in June, we had a few days in which the sun was shining and the temperature was around 80 degrees. I went to the Dolores Park beach with my friend from Burma and we hung out in the shade and listened to the sunshine. Afterward we went to Udupi and I got to sit there in the restaurant with hardly any clothes on. What bliss...

For some reason the July 4th "holiday" brings me alot of angst. I have written a song about it. Next year I'm going to post my version of my song from my old band Martyr Mia and put it on Facebook and Twitter--on July 4th. Or, even better, I will be travelling in Southeast Asia with my new boyfriend. In any case, this 4th of July I received a drag of a present. On Monday, July 5th I woke up with intense pain everywhere in my body. Since that day I have been suffering from a pinched radial nerve in my neck which spans the whole right side of my upper body...yay. I never thought I would want more electricity in the acupuncture needles than I could normally handle!!!

SO, besides the fact that it's been the polar arctic here in the upper Haight for most of July, I have been in severe and debilitating pain with the most serious injury of my life. Yet I can't continue to complain and moan about it. There is someone dear to me and to the people with whom I live who is completely dying at this very moment in the hospital. She is on life support and in unimaginable pain. She refused to have both of her legs amputated, because, by this time, after 3 heart surgeries, three-days-per-week dialysis treatments, a stroke, and no longer being able to talk but still conscious, she has decided the other side is much more appealing.

This is the second time now that I have seen someone fight back against the ravages of the body. My friend Margaret who is on several Planet Glee episodes on YouTube went through the kind of pain that I have never experienced. And then I get depressed because my arm hurts. Ever since I was a child I got more depressed in the summer. I am very sad for the family of my friend tonight. She is my motivation to sit in meditation every night again.

Tibetan Endangered Music Project

Aswat's Winter Concert 2009!

A French Guy and The Truck

I've gotten home from shooting tonght. It was a total trip. I had a lot of fun. When I returned, I wanted to listen to "Siamese Dream" by The Smashing Pumpkins. Then I remembered the time back in October, my favorite month of the year, when I met a French guy from an online site. He was like eating ice cream when we kissed and he was really into my lips. I DiD not have sex with this person, even though he came over to my house and brought pineapple juice, cadbury cookies and some other chocolate thing...how francais, how cliche, que aburrida.

The Truck was more than boring...it was really hilarious. It is a gay guy's bar in the Mission. It has a little patio outside where you can sit next to the railing with old truck backgates hanging off as banners. It even has the name of the place crafted from metal...

I walked in and there was some Britpop playing with stage area vibrating with neo-psychedelic images on a silver curtain, with a huge red neon arrow toward the stage. What does this hae to do with French people? I don't know...the costumed aspect of things at a transgender show. One performer, smashed lipstick all over his lips in a dark reddish-purple and sang "Why Can't We live Together?" It must have been the lipstick...and the fact that one of the younger guys there looked like Cat Stevens...moonshadow...moon in aquarius.

It's about time to be in a New Year...the year of...?

I think it's the year of the pussycat...within. I should look up what year it is in the Aztec cosmology and in other time systems. But the pussycat within me is feeling like playing. Yesterday I was in Rainbow Grocery, noted shopping venue of the trendy and the rich, and, I suppose, the physically and mentally healthy (like me, hahaha). In any case, there in the granola section was to be found a most angelic man with hooded black, sexy, I'm not looking through you just into you, eyes. He was wearing a cloud-blue tight t-shirt that he must have worn in high school or found to look like he was still in high school.

And it goes on...I was putting on make-up in that section of Rainbow--some grass green on the lids and ruby red lip gloss, some chalk-white on the rest of the lids, placed some cream on and etc., turned around after spying in the mirror a few times, and there he was. He was standing with his cell phone trying to look like he was texting someone. Believe me when I say I starED at him when I was putting my goods in my bag in line.

Listening to New ORder...so happy. Maybe Spring is coming early.

Saw two films this past weekend: GOODBYE SOLO and FUNNY PEOPLE. The first was A NIGHT ON EARTH about an Senegalese man with a huge heart who called all the men around his taxi cab "big dog." One of the big dogs was a senior citizen Harley guy from the South (the film is set in one of the Carolinas or something) who pays Solo to take him to a famous peak where the wind blows everything back. Solo doesn't want this man to kill himself. That is the urge of the kitty. To Heal.

Some people say that laughter is the best medicine, right? FUNNY PEOPLE is kind of funny. It is long. It has the old "bossy boy," Adam Sandler in it...as a man over forty!!! Now that's funny.

Reaaaahrrrr. The kitty wants to play this year.

I do believe that the moon was smiling.

As we approached Amma's ashram in San Ramon this evening, one of the people in the car noticed the new moon. Someone else said, "it's smiling." For me that was a portent of chuckles--and tears--to come.

It has been a quite insanely difficult year for many reasons. In December of 2008 I was not only mourning the loss of a relationship I had had with a tattoed, university-educated guy from Mexico, but I also had to deal with being forced to move out of a place in San Francisco where I felt very grounded; this place also had as a resident one of the most unique cats I've ever known, Buddy Budders. He still lives there, I think. He was jet black like a seal and just as fat with huge green saucers for eyes. Every time I had a nightmare in which I woke up not knowing who I was, Buddy was there on my bed staring at me saying, "You're back. You're here." I still miss him.

For six months thereafter I was losing my mind, piece by piece, in a living situation in which I had NO privacy. I had heard the song "Ticky Tacky Boxes" but I had never thought I would be living in one. How I survived that one was to rely on my kitten Joaquin, a raccoon-striped Maine Coon, to keep me in the present. His little striped face would scrunch up into a tiny kitten-head ball every morning when we had to wake up at seven so I could go to work.

By June I had, through friends, found a huge sunny room in the upper Haight. Work was done and I was free...I painted the walls the color called "hot kiss" and green and yellow... With no money, I couldn't go anywhere. I can't even remember how I spent my days. By August my cousin called, crying, to say that my aunt had a huge tumor in her lungs...So I went to visit her--a three-hour drive and having to pay for a hotel. My aunt was staring at my Tibetan mala I wore around my neck and when she asked to look at it, I handed it over, literally...she put it on her neck! She died a week or so before Thanksgiving.

In September, on Amma's birthday, my friend Margaret died of cancer. The father I never had, Bro Jud Presmont, died almost a week ago. I could go on and on about how much he meant to me and how much I will miss him. I will write a poem to him instead.


"Nice is nice," was one of yours.
Also: "if it ain't fun it won't get done."
We used to talk about the "Cosmic Opera"
And "Theatre Verite." Of course there
Was Kerista and polyamory and the
University of Utopia and W.A.K.E. ,
The World Academy of Keristan
Education. No one can forget
Your desire to eliminate poverty
And homelessness, with "love
Energy" guiding us "on to the
Next thing," I will miss your
Overriding optimism...a kind of
Sagittarian trait I shared but often
Forgot about, drowning in
Scorpionic desire for liberation.
Sweet angel, Jud, I am happy
You are liberated from this body
"We are trapped in." Now when
I call you up, seeking a confidant,
I will watch the candles burning
Softly with your significance.

Richard Avedon, the sculpture garden and heights.

Thoroughly unmodern willie is what the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art has been since it moved from Van Ness to 3rd street. At least tonight when I visited it seemed to be digging itself out a slight bit from the past into the present.

The show of some of Richard Avedon's photographs, while noteworthy, was poorly arranged. There were some photos I have never seen before: Twiggy with long hair, Brigitte Bardot a bit out of focus, a portrait of his wife, the "workers" from Texas. The pictures which really touched me were of people over 60 plus. There were about seven scenes of Avedon's father. It brought up for me the vulnerability of the subject in the artist's hands; the subject/object dilemma.

In the video screening room there was a 1977 video called "Pilot" by General Idea. Back in my early college days I had a fascination for General Idea. There was also a video by a German artist who captured some television footage from Italy featuring tarot card readers...hilarious.

The sculpture garden is a welcome new place to roam and see fabulous sculptures, primarily bronzed and welded but some completely multimedia.

My favorite part of the SF MOMA is the bridge on the 5th floor. I love looking down and wondering if I might fly, sink, or land like a kitten!

Sometimes it's better to give in and TWO LOVERS.

It's pretty often that someone from cyberspace e-mails me on the various sites for single and attached people like Facebook, Hi5, OKCupid!, and etc. It is also common that the conversation lasts about a week and then we NEVER MEET. I remember back in February I was texting this guy from Spain who lives here. We met on OKCupid! I am older than him. He is in his twenties and I am in my forties. But does ageism equivalent to cruelty to persons!!!??? I should start a society similar to the Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Animals called the Society for the Protection of Cruelty to People on the Internet! Everyone is just a delete-a-way!

Fortunately, in TWO LOVERS, Joaquin Phoenix's character, Leonard, does not go on the internet to find a date. His parents are trying to set him up with one wholesome woman and he meets his vixen in the hallway of the building where he lives with his parents. Do we feel sorry for this character? He's supposed to be "bipolar." Excuse me, but this word is used to often to describe EVERYONE........................

Joaquin, I love your acting, but you didn't come off as a DSMV-IV version of a person with bipolar disorder. AND, it is a tragedy when this disorder cannot be properly treated. AND, it is a tragedy that so many people cannot communicate the fact that something better came up or that in the words of Boris and Natasha, "easy come, easy go."

While we were watching the film, my friend showed me a YouTube excerpt from the Letterman show in which Mr. Dave makes fun of Joaquin. My friend thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I thought he was bringing some dignity to an otherwise unfriendly world.

What would we do without Foucault, et. al.?

I watched some of the UC Santa Barbara television tonight. I don't know if it's a course or something, but I've seen some thoughtful things on the University of California tv station. ONe program was on the necessity of helping students with autism at the university become more social and socially conscious. Too bad Bill Gates didn't get the help he needed to think more about others and how to interact with them.

Which brings me to another computer-related issue. Tonight's program was from UC Santa Barbara on Web 2.0. The instructor (a former employee of some major US corporation) asked the question, "What is Web 2.0?" A student answered that it was a way for many people to create their own websites for major networking Another student said that it is "a buzzword that doesn't mean anything." Gracias a Dios, there is someone thinking about the power of language over consciousness--and therefore belief systems.

Facebook and Celebrities, Berkeley and St. Patrick's Day

What the hell is a "celebrity"? Back in the late eighties there was a band in San Francisco called "Celebrity Skin." I got to know a couple of them in passing situations. One of them really cracked me up when we walked through a big grocery store and pointed out all the people from tv and the media on magazines. I didn't know who alot of them were. Now, I suppose I have my favorite people who might be on a magazine in a large grocery store...or hair salon...or skin care places, for instance. Some of these celebrities have Facebook profiles. I think this is really funny and fun and very Planet Glee. Let's give everyone someone to play in their minds about That's what art does. We are all artists.

Some people get paid very well to be artists. These people are in the mainstream media, television. I am also on television on my call-in show. A friend who played guitar with me on Bro Jud on Love Energy on cable said I should call the show "Jammin' with Jennifer." That was really a compliment But I don't play guitar on Planet Glee. I play the bayan of the tabla--badly!!!---by the standards of the "classical. folk, and spiritual Indian music (bhajans) with the musicians who come on the show.

Last night we didn't have the phone lines running. Too bad. That makes Planet Glee even more fun. The guest had won 2008 singe/songwriter by voters in the local San Francisco paper The Bay Guardian. I can say this: his songs were quite uplifting in terms of lyrics. I really need to listen to the cd he gave me of his music. I was curious about what songwriters in San Francisco should be about.

Meanwhile, since Facebook has celebrities in there I looked up Naveen Andrews. I had had a huge crush on him since BUDDHA OF SUBURBIA although I also liked him as the Sikh in THE ENGLISH PATIENT. There were a few comments in there about how sexy he is in the tv show Lost. Earlier I had looked up Rafael Nadal because he is so funny. Actually I think these two men are bedworthy but it is because they can laugh at their situation. That's appealing to me. Here in cable tv world--and in the performance realm at all. I still read on Bro Jud on Love Energy. I get to pick out the stuff to read from what Jud gives me. Sometimes I completely disagree with where the reading is politically, I have to find something funny in it...glee.

Today I went to Berkeley. That's where I went to school and where I learned that I wanted to be moved by what I studied. I spent alot time writing papers--academic stuff. Let's play the scholarly game. It's a very fun game. But when I go to Berkeley I have no desire to be working there as a teacher or something. One has to have a job. I teach children with severe disabilities. I want to be an artist.

Speaking of painting and images and illusions (maya), why is the rainbow associated with leprechauns? Why did San Francisco have its St Patrick's Day parade on a Saturday? If these people are allowed to go to large parking lots behind bars to drink in the wind and cold why did they have to do it on Saturday? What sacrilege? And have you heard any snake charming music lately? I almost bought a snake charmer cd at Amoeba in Berkeley today.

"

Moving and SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

I moved at the beginning of January (The period key on my computer isn't working!!??) The sentences look like they're floating, without periods In any case, I moved to a neighborhood that is weird in San Francisco I try not to think about it!!?? BBBBUt I have hope that I will return to writing again in my blog and playing my guitar and painting and all things good and meditating

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE is a film that is a meditation on Love, l-u-v It is also a portrait of a a world that is Hollywood film noir and Bollywood and reality tv with some pans of "slums" in India For those of us how have never been to India, these slums seem so far away, removed There is a reification of the spectacle

However this film, due to the healing nature of the music, the sound of love and the hints at spirituality of different kinds, helps one get a slight bit closer to edifying the spirit while accepting what is

Accepting what is means seeing the Orwellian nightmare and yet keeping it at bay

How long it's been since I blogged and LILA DIT CA and THE DREAM LIFE OF ANGELS

I haven't been looking at my Facebook stuff either. Although I can't go into great detail about these films right now, I intend to get back into thinking about what I've seen through one medium, i.e. film or video, and what it means--or doesn' t mean for that moment. Some of the films I've seen are nameless right now for me. In addition to the aforementioned, DAS FRAULEIN, THE BEST OF DR. KATZ, MECANIQUES CELESTIALS are a few more.

DEATH AT THE FUNERAL

Am I missing something with this film? It was so deadpan that one could definitely say it wasn't cute like FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL. I really shouldn't be writing about it since I only watched 10 minutes. I will let it put me to bed tonight.

I have a kitten, or what about Amma's ashram?

My kitten's name is Joaquin. I have had him since the middle of September. He is very playful. I can't determine whether he is "smart" or what would call "wild." While I'm sitting here typing, he is clawing my bare heels from behind the chair I'm sitting in. It hurts! I threw him one of his cloth mice. Mice like to be played with.

Amma's ashram is in San Ramon. It is one of the most restful places I've been to...no matter how much chai I drink there. Back in September I got to make a Ganesh out of clay. I really liked him. All the people at the ashram that day made Ganeshes, and the figures were to be put into the lake on for Ganesh Charthurti. Tonight was a pleasant night. I hadn't seen so many stars since I've been in the woods. I'm sorry I missed the talk and more bhajans. But that is because I don't meditate enough! This is my New Year's resolution at the end of October.

One of the books I'm reading is A Beginner's Guide to Tibetan Buddhism. I remember having read Georg Feuerstein's Tantra... and getting a sense of the abstraction that is belief.

THE GITS, Eugene Debs and Revolution

I have been watching alot of documentaries lately. I like them. The latest one I've seen, THE GITS was a disturbing but revolutionary one. This film gave me alot to think about. It is the story of the the late eighties/early nineties punk band from Ohio via Seattle called THE GITS.

In 1993 I saw the band the Gits at a club in San Francisco called The Bottom of the Hill. I think they were a part of the Noise Pop festival, but I don't remember exactly. At that time I was playing music with my boyfriend. This band had a very memorable line-up. Their music was unlike anything I'd heard before--much more melodic and faster than Green Day or whatever.

The film is the story of the rise to signed status for the band as it coincided with the murder of the singer. It actually is a horrible story of her beauty, creativity, soul and chilling death. It is the story of how her killer is sought. Her strangler is shown which makes it even more disturbing. But for those about to rock, this band and its story is so important.

Revolution is important. Revolutionary ideas are important. The band THE GITS and its documentary are revolutionary. Eugene Debs was a revolutionary. Where is he now? Tonight I went to the cafe Revolution in the Mission. I saw a quote from Eugene Debs on the bathroom door about the word 'revolution' being one of the most important words in any language.

Recently I saw a singer who was visiting from France. She was out playing in San Francisco. She told me while we were waiting for the bathroom that she was playing all over Paris and that it's possible to play all over Paris. She sang a cover of Edith Piaf's 'Je ne regrette rien.' There were people speaking different languages at this cafe. I felt like I was in Europe again...and I wondered how she would sound in a cafe in Paris.


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