Cristina Deptula on Planet Glee

Bob Marley - Simmer Down

Dalida Best LIVE Vocals

Planet Glee with Scarlet Experiment

The Brian Jonestown Massacre - (Full Album) 80 Songs

Inflatable Boy Clams on Planet GLee

Sex Pistols - Holidays In The Sun

Inflatable Boy Clams on Planet GLee

Salsa Master Ron Bermudez on Planet Glee

I learned a lot about dance and culture and history on this show.  Thank you, Ron!!

Planet Glee, May 11, 2016

Agatha Varshenka on PlanetGlee Live

I wanna be Planet Glee

In case it's not here

Cory Prank Calls San Francisco Public Access TV 1

I got some calls this past Wednesday, June 22, 2016!!  YAY  And the point of it all, really.  Having a live show is such improv!  I love it.



Here is the stream for the live show   76.sfc.tv   the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of the month



Here is the stream for the show after it's recorded:   29.sfc.tv

Planet Glee from February, 2016

Doctor Striker on Planet Glee

This was a fun show.  We had a lot of laughs, and the music is very new punk!!

Period BOMB "Gnarly Princess" OFFICIAL VIDEO

This band is amazing.  I had the good fortune to meet them last year in a used clothing store.

James Conrad on Planet Glee

Axel Ized on Planet Glee

Sly

Raphael de Balanda Un

Happynewyearplanetglee2016

Txutxo Perez on Planet Glee

Francesco Gentinetta

Telenovelas by Scarlet Experiment

La Donte Fontaine on Planet Glee

Axel Ized on Planet Glee

Cheap Trick - Surrender

MØ - Kamikaze (Official Video)

MØ - Kamikaze (Official Video)

Thin Lizzy-Parisienne Walkways

Telenovelas by Scarlet Experiment

Goth Girl Commercial--Jennifer Glee

Planet Glee and Surf Band, The Delmars

Prime Minister (Captain Planet Remix)

Thin Lizzy - Cowboy Song live at The Rainbow 1978

My father came from the Falls Road in Belfast. Northern Ireland.  He was fascinated by cowboys and took me and my brother to lots of cowboy movies, especially Clint Eastwood films.  HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER was my favorite film by Clint Eastwood.



Of course, and as one might notice from Phil Lynott's lyrics, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns were not part of the cowboy myth for the Irish.



It is my opinion that Ireland has been overlooked as being the most pacifistic country on earth besides Sweden, Canada, and all the wealthy countries like Switzerland and Luxembourg. I shouldn't forget Iceland, Greenland, Finland and Norway.



Misunderstanding of culture is common throughout this planet.  Now, the people who eat people are trippy, and I loved the film in which the New York gay artist returns to Guinea to see his old love who (as I recall), a man who still is a person who eats people.



And, of course, if everyone did not eat meat, the planet would be a spiritual wonderland in which every person would be accountable for their hate and love and people like me will make movies that make people want to share and reject jealousy, I mean, all those seven deadly sins parodied in The Faerie Queene.



I found an old copy of The Faerie Queene this year.  Now I have to find it!!  My landlady is evicting me for no cause!!  Only in Amurrikkka.

Django Laisse-Moi Dire

Mr Devious feat BLAQPEARL - For the People (still breathing)

TOSKA on Planet Glee

Cory Prank Calls San Francisco Public Access TV 1

I



This video montage of Planet Glee as it became a new public access live television and we could still say that San Francisco is the 'city of love' west of Paris, cherie.  We were on the air every Friday for a year hahahahahaha

Synchronized Chaos on Planet Glee

Synchronized Chaos on Planet Glee

For all

my blogger friends!!  This is a show for writers, visual artists, video and photo artists, for anyone who is trying to make a statement to others through Synchronized Chaos (the online magazine) or www.artistslargeandsmall.org

Higher Powers; who else can you trust?

When I don't recall to give thanks to Ganesh and the gods and goddesses, things in my life get worse.  There is no support.  To depend on others to help me is ambiguous.  I have the Sun in the 11th house.  At Sivananda Ashram in San Francisco, I studied Vedic astrology and Ayurveda.  It makes me sick that this jewel of spiritual education and community lost its lease about 3 months ago.  San Francisco is losing what were historically important institutions and places of heart chakra (bhakti yoga) opening and love energy.

Higher powers are indiscriminate love energy.  Praying, chanting, and singing envelope me and blossom within my Garden of Higher Powers.

My relationship with Higher Powers is weak at this point.  There are so many problems I am dealing with, like Sivananda Ashram.  I was served a 60-day notice of eviction.

Humor is what undoubtedly releases this pent-up emotion called playing the victim.  As long as I can laugh, I am in touch with Higher Powers.

Letting go and being free to love Higher Powers, is my challenge.  There is nothing and no one who can take my belief in my Higher Powers away.  I have started chanting in the Japanese Buddhist  tradition.  And when the ugly feelings or desperation surround me, I may chant, I may do the child's pose in hatha yoga, I may bend down and open myself to lavendar love.

Ramones - The KKK took my baby away LIVE in Sweden

The Ramones are one of my favorite pop punk bands!!!   lol

Sgt Yulanda William on Planet Glee

The Wanted 18 IndieGOGO Trailer

The Undertones - It's Going to Happen

'We're really clean people," Ferguson, Palestine, the German film Antares (2004)

It is still Friday the 13th, March, 2015, and I am listening to Killing Joke's Pandemonium cd.   Sorting out what is primary to the brain or impulse, rather than what part of the brain 'covers' the acts the occur under its governance.

Just the other day I met someone from one of those online dating services (a free one, right?  doesn't one get what one's paid for lol)    I had chatted on this person for over 45 chats on the site and then texting on the phone.  When I met him physically he had a nice small and it seemed gentile et innocente.  Then we walked around the Embarcadero Center which is the area he lives in.  I had never been in one of these new high rises.  I didn't wash my hands after having gone pee-pee in their toilet.  I was afraid to touch their towels lol    Since he was standing there kind of monitoring my toilet experience,  holding himself from the what I have never met yet.

Meanwhile, I felt subconsious, I apologized for not washing my hands, and that some people get weirded-out by it.  It is how I approach my life, like art and music, I have to never be very clean. Creativity sometimes sticks to your fingers.  How can you clean it off?

Now to the garage.  I said, "Let's go to the beach."  He was into going to the beach right away.  Nice. he gave me a glass of water, and the glass had plastic around the part where someone might put their finger or hands, 'We are really clean people.'  It's kind of like the woman with all the money to save her aging face who hands you a tester from a cosmetics place.

Ferguson fits into our Johnsonian/Pandemonium deleterium.  Mike Brown was shot how many times???  By the police?  And, he was left to lie in the middle of the streets like a dead deer.  If any really real statement to the tragedy, it must be something like, and excuse my bleeding heart ( I have been accused of being that at SF State in front of all the other students there) or my own struggle for equality and justice, that being African, being black, is the most difficult life one can have in the United States.  If there are more rallies against police brutality toward dark-skinned people, I will be there somehow.  Or I will write about it.  I think that is the most essential element in my assemblages; I am that black pretty black woman, I am also the white doll with door knob in her left eye.

I am not the Mayan hero.  The Asian woman from the right corner is me.  Since 1995, the painted woman or girl or grandma is black.  There is only one white woman I have painted full-size, and she is dead white with blue hair.  She is a goddess who protects us from our seeing and experiencing the dead.  Which brings me to the German film ANTARES (2004).  I have never seen people so white! There was tons of nudity in it and people who were having sex outside their relationships and the greed and anonymity  of the head that is not present.  Emotional intelligence sexy film, NOT.  I will give them credit: no punching. but a kind of weird acceptance of a lover's being with another.  Such character dies at the end of the film.  The young non-German guy is let off the hook--he thinks!!  The girl he has been living with tries to kill herself.

He discovers, at the end of the film that his girlfriend will be seeing a psychiatrist which makes him extremely nervous.

ANTARES is the scorpion, and in Indian Vedic Astrology there is a Cinderella-quality to its story in that there are three related women; two of them are older and one is the youngest and causes the most jealousy.  The youngest in this film knows where her Auslander lover goes to have blowhorn sex with another blonde German women.  She can sense he is not with her, but she chooses to take her sadness with her if she can die.

The Germans have such a shitty history in the 20th century.  Showing too much domestic violence would not help the world's view of them.  Imagine!  Ghandi vs. Hitler.  The Marxist/Hegelian contradiction!  I know I was afraid in films made about the country whose genocidal  tactics were so induplicitous; or were they?

There are so many countries on earth who still experience no freedom, no justice and no equality. How many 'white' countries still have no freedom, justice nor equality?  Maybe that's it:  The newest generation in Ireland has finally opened some doors for people all over the world to enjoy its non-violence stance.  Yes, the country is still backward due to the religion, and that's an understatement.

Pink Floyd made it in here somehow: teaching and the education corporation are to blame for all the ageism, racism, any kind of prejudice, the lack of love for community.  IF you are not there yet, you have made it past 2012.  Now what?

Please do not live in a place that looks like no one lives there. I love Gogol.  Dead Souls is my favorite Russian novel.  Humor coupled with tragedy is a sincere feat in writing!!  I will let the person who insulted me multiple times and had to apologize for being such an asshole be himself.  My housemates now think I am doing booty calls because this guy had such a flashy, expensive, German car.  I guess it's because I'm Irish.  We are not respected.  Some of us are genius.  Some of us have made mistakes.  But if anyone puts me down for being Irish or makes any cultural slur my my way, be it known that the initial jabs in the ego fight between two people who don't know each other but from some chats and texts is a funny thing when I know I was black and I still am but I am also black.

Sleater-Kinney - A New Wave [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

I love Bob's Burgers!!  And, they edit in Premiere, hahahahaha!  Go Sleater-Kinney!  Come spend a couple of hours playing your genius and talking about the planet!!  Look me up at Planet Glee on facebook or Jennifer Glee, my mixed up shook up gurl page :)))

PlanetGleePOP

Aloe Blacc - I Need A Dollar - Official Video HQ

PETER TOSH - AFRICAN

When is the world going praise Africa?  Honor and help?!

Freemansullivan on Planet Glee: Ustreaming

Long overdue !!!

Richard Rants and Nykk on Planet Glee

Gregory ValensLuv Promotional Reel

It's so weird that this creative person went on one of those late 1990's dating shows.  I don't think it ever struck me that I should try one of those.  It is predictable that the women on there would be mainstream American-looking girls.  He reminds me of someone.  I'm not convinced about his guitar work being worth listening to.  I really like the need to get on television and talk to a possible lover?

Ramones - Time has come today.

OneHappyPlanetGlee

Chomsky, Democracy Now, Palestine, Skating Polly)

I saw Noam Chomsky, elder that he is, on Democracy Now!  And, I don't know why I have never trusted this man.  I don't think I do still.  He used to be revered for linguistics but now has become an authority on the Israeli-inflicted genocide of Palestines and the Palestine state.  He doesn't seem to get that the answer is obvious.  But he is caught between two worlds and he belongs to both of them; he is American and he is Israeli.  He was indicting both countries for their policy-handshake on demolishing Palestine.  It bothers me that anyone from Palestine who can speak for them, the philosophers and artists, linguists and yet not spokespeople.



Today is the day after Thanksgiving.  Yes, one tries to find thanks while people are still aching over being treated like cattle, left in the street to die over a four-period.  Did cars drive around the body?  I was accused of being a 'bleading heart liberal' which hopefully is now and anachronism (this was in 2002, at, I hate to say, San Francisco State University, which has been a joke for a long time.  Why does it seem odd to care about other people and their welfare?

I am in love with Winnie the Pooh.  I watched some of the football game of the forty-niners.  Barbie has no special fur.  I am classless.  Some football player was saying the Santa Clara audience was being 'un-classy' on national television.  Guys with extensions are looking for as much attention as they can get; this football player was accusing the forty niner fans of being 'un-classy' and yet he plays American football, the most un-classy game humans can play and then, in the light of Ferguson, look for 'difference' the me and the not-me, Plato's famous argument against any kind of sharing among atoms.



Family Guy was so incredibly out-of-it tonight that I couldn't stop laughing.  Lois's father confessed having to had an affair with a woman other than Lois's mom.  Mr. Pewterschmidt (lol) has a voice in animation that makes me laugh whenever I hear it.  I would love to do the voice of hilarious character in any language.  My cockney accent is not bad; Southern accent makes me sad; Valley Girl from mom and stepdad; my Russian accent is the hilarious one.

Sacred Grounds Cafe SF Open Mic pt2 Oct 9th 2014

J'essaie a jouer le gitarre et chantait.  Francesco faisait ca aussi.  Je chante et comme ca at 1 hour 17 minutes.  "L'amour est une fleur fragile"

Death and Ramones - 53rd & 3rd 4/18/76

Fella Oudane

Shams Al-Aghani (The Sun of Songs; Palestine in Music)

Slowdive - Souvlaki Space Station

Karma's Gonna Smack Ya

Benny Longfur on Planet Glee

T.R.R live rock in fest purwakarta

Melvins "Boris" Seattle, Wa 5-14-11 ** 2 camera version ** High Definition

MDC (Live On Broadway) San Fran 1984

At Haight Street Market W & Jglee

William and I met at City Hall, and we're both from the same town on the Peninsula, both living in San Francisco and weirding out.

Halloween (+playlist)

I was getting over the flu today.  Very mellow and sad, too.  Services for homeless youth are being cut in the Haight Ashbury where they are needed most.  Cyndi cooked a turkey herself for the feast this afternoon.  I brought and donated my favorite Chinese hard coconut wrapped candies.  

BRO_JUD_AND_LOVE_ENERGY_1-1.mp4

Hey Joe on Haight

Ronnie Heaven plays Whiskey in the Jar

Jade Way on Planet Glee (+playlist)

Planet Glee SF

http://www.youtube.com/v/_5C8oYNrXRQ?autohide=1&version=3&feature=share&autohide=1&attribution_tag=qyM0V3_9HJS-P_bGtrxZ2Q&showinfo=1&autoplay=1

The Ojays Ship Ahoy

http://www.youtube.com/v/z1LQNsqp9Fc?version=3&autohide=1&autoplay=1&showinfo=1&attribution_tag=4Z5fpaIKacBm5tYe76dQWw&feature=share&autohide=1

Drum and Bass on Planet Glee (+playlist)

http://www.youtube.com/v/byY1ETOdSnU?list=UU4-cFrGHXpULA5NRFb2yrqw&version=3&autoplay=1&showinfo=1&attribution_tag=iozboKGry9Jzw2_WBRQR-w&autohide=1&feature=share

I have heard so much and drum an bass, and there I am in it!!!

Killing Joke - This World Hell (+playlist)

http://www.youtube.com/v/zC6OgpNOTlU?list=PL3XBBevu8HxPENhgkYZMU5RCASpUkljKH&version=3&autohide=1&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=xmPpeNGDXfKhtHjqq2RbDQ&feature=share&showinfo=1

SPANDAU BALLET LIVE, or how I deal with deep grief

http://www.youtube.com/v/cSl6zw5qvUI?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&autohide=1&autoplay=1&feature=share&attribution_tag=H_wpVOUyZEIlkWsQtj0arw
I saw Spandau Ballet in the beginning, when I was living in Groeningen, The Netherlands.  We were standing 8 feet away from the band allthough it was a crowded show.  I really remember that even then the singer, Martin, liked to have the guitar and bass to the right of the stage, and he would stand next to the keyboard player.  I wonder if keyboard sounds improve musical quality.

Really I am just about ready to have a nervous breakdown because my kitten, 5-year-old Joaquin, got hit by a car on the street I live on.  I went to see his body, and I felt so terrible.  As the days go on, the sadness gets worse.

The Freewheelin' Troubador (+playlist)

http://www.youtube.com/v/nBKQQ6jTqVQ?version=3&list=UU4-cFrGHXpULA5NRFb2yrqw&feature=share&showinfo=1&autohide=1&attribution_tag=qi9CZL-4LUMNAxnfGHXmVQ&autoplay=1

Halloween (+playlist)

http://www.youtube.com/v/aR7P-oxnVO8?list=UU4-cFrGHXpULA5NRFb2yrqw&version=3&feature=share&attribution_tag=xepp4xYi3IM9VAehR59tvA&showinfo=1&autohide=1&autoplay=1

The happys cleanse my soul

Amy Winehouse - Take the Box(performed at Mercury Awards)

Dennis Johnson 'November' (excerpt)

Phoolan Devi, or how to further confuse things, and why logic is being redefined

Planet Glee where I could have played my tabla, OH WELL, Y BUENO

Arab Cultural Day San Francisco 2013

[Vietsub]HAHA ft SKULL - BUSAN VACATION [MV]

Planet Glee SF/ Songs for Oscar Grant/Saw Fruitvale Station

Uploaded videos (playlist)

Los Charlies - If You Were There Beware (Tributo a Arctic Monkeys) Lima,...

Amiracle.mov

Cats Puking To Techno; or how I spent my Sunday afternoon at the public techno party

Make-up, or make-over, or David Medina

Is it weird to be into make-up?  I had the blessed experience of having a make-up artist, David Medina, To me, everyone is an artist.  Just getting up and washing your face and what you do after that is an art.  But a make-up artist like David asked me if I wanted my face to be a 'blank canvas.'  I said yes, and we agreed on gothy fire, and I got more than I could have conceived.  David is extremely interesting to talk to and I can't wait to work with him on a Planet Glee video soon with one of my young, gorgeous friends who is herself a make-up artist as model for David's genius :)

FULL - Sacred Grounds Cafe SF Open Mic Mar 7th 2013

Start at 1:35:38  I go to this open mic almost every week.  At the starting point I've given, I sing my song from Martyr Mia.

I can't wait until I get my glasses, or why it's better to see than not to see

Last year at this time, in February, around Valentine's Day, I bought a book here on Haight at The Booksmith.  The book is by Roland Barthes, "A Lover's Discourse; a Fragment."  I actually can't wait to read this book.  I literally can't see, and I've lost my glasses.  Next week I get a new pair.  I will cherish them!

Meanwhile, I have to read Barthes.When I was an undergraduate in the English Department at Berkeley, i audited a course on Plato.  The teacher was Alan Code.  He was a cool lecturer, and I liked going to the class.  There were lots of guys.  One of them, a guy from France, became my friend, and then became my lover.  I did not want him for a boyfriend.  He was so skinny and he was like sleeping with a skeleton.

But he was fucked up by his childhood, too.  He called himself a 'bastard.'  He didn't know his father.  His mother left France when he was 16 and he went to high school in Southern California.  It was really funny to listen to his accent when he tried to use cool amurrikan idioms.  He would say stuff like, "Catch you later..."  And, 'vurry good" for "very good."

He used to tell me that Barthes had all the answers for us unlucky children.  Barthes stated that we are always waiting for the next breakdown; the first one occurred at babyhood probably and then on.

I think Barthes is a genius.  I will find out soon.

Do I Know You, or Was Your Birthgiver's Death Worth listening About

Yeah, do I know you?  Remember my son, Demetrius, who is a Psychologist and works at the Sorbonne?

"Yeah, I know more about him than you do.  I hung out with him when I was a teenager and he was a twenty-something pervert."

"He he didn't toast it, and he gave me an onion bagel.  He is such a sick fuck, kind of like you."

I know, all I think about is money.  I'm the real thing.  I am an American.

"But I don't like onion bagels.  I like poppyseed.  Fuck Americans."

"Fuck Americans who have never heard of Milton and who try to write sensationalist book/mags.   A book/mag is a book that has as many pages as most gossip magazines."

I never will.  I never will get over her death.

"I just heard a bus passing by that's calling your name."

"Shit, it's abcessing again.:

You mean the lady's marriage who can't help people get married but takes all their money anyway.

"It's rather sad that someone who thought only of herself, in the DSM-IV definition of narcissicism had two bleeding ulcers.  With all the practice of being unable to feel the pain of others, she could no longer feel her own pain.  How sad."

"I don't know why I don't feel like crying."

"I'll go with you when the ashes are strewn to sea just like his."

How did you like him for a father?

"What part?  His dick?  His constant complaints about Americans after having married one of the finest American sicka idiots on the dance floor."

"Oh, but according to him, she kept calling him and asking him out."

I do believe you.  He seemed like he was into voluptuous, silky-skinned, blue-eyed pets.

"I asked him about it.  He said, 'A man has to feel comfortable with a woman,'  So, two narcissists collide, create one desperate money-maker and one desperate compassion-freak."

But there are so many would-be compassion-freaks, how can you tell if someone is a real compassion-freak.

"Usually a real compassion-freak is surrounded by abusive beings who continually test the level of the freak's compassion."

Freud was wrong.  It is all about the ego.  I equals it.

"You stole my line?"

I am your line.  I am in control.

Me and Narcissus,kissing, or how much did I cry this week

Ask ME

I am in love with Narcissus
Especially when he kisses
Me into
my black pillow

From Greece even
Me, too then
I am from there
within the moirae

Not his only mistress
have I learned acceptance
Why do I
Still have to cry

Throw me a rock

I have the lock

See me, see me

Ask me, ask me

So many women
Older than ten plus ten
Want to be me
One in lasting glee

I don't have to cry
It's merely another desire
To fill
I am illl.

Throw me a rock
I have the lock
See me, see me
Ask me, ask me

I am from Mali
Oaxaca and Paris
Belfast my love
I have become him at last.




copyright Planet Glee

Amma, back to the Bay Diarreah; and what is Venus doing, looking like a speck of pepper

OMG, I am going blind and cannot type...shit fuck my hole then your hole and slap my ass hard so I can bite it harder.

Now, when I was a baby, I had colitis; I cried all the time, because my stomach hurt.  Being the typical American she was, my mother hated me.  How dare I ruin her life.  Being the typical European snob, my father hated her.  I asked him many times when I was a teenager why he married this black Irish, flat-chested, ignorant woman.

My father would always answer that men have to feel comfortable with a woman in order to be with her, to live with her, to ride on vacations to Tahoe (for the lower classes) with the Giants' game blasting on the radio so he wouldn't have to talk to her.  He and I at least had something--no, actually more things as I think of them--in common: we both hated her,

But, then, step in my brother: skinny, and that's all I remember, because I couldn't stand him either.  When he stuck his hand in my cunt when we were at my aunt's for dinner, I really just wanted to have sex.  I couldn't stand him, but I wanted to have sex.  He, of course, was in constant denial of his preference for she-males, i.e., girls who talked like boys and had no boobs.

Meanwhile, I saw Amma today and tonight, and she has no idea what kind of person I am.  I'm a very good actor.  My art teachers used to tell me that I should continue in art (painting, blah, blah, etc), but my best painting teacher from the San Francisco Art Institute, yes, the place where you can buy your way into being a "fine artist," asked me if I were an 'entertainer.'  Now, I wasn't going to ask him what he meant by that; he was an old guy, and it could mean that I looked like I wanted to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.

So, five million light years, a 20-foot high hill of crushed beer and Bailey's containers, and a shoe box of chiva later, I have a show.  Actually, I was on television as a child, and I got one of my haikus published in some suburban newspaper.  In 2000, I was invited by Bro Jud Presmont, my surrogate father and mentor, to play whacked-out guitar and sing on his public access show, Bro Jud on Love Energy.  This girl Lori was there with her two daughters who were so sweet.  Of course they thought it was cool that another female was going to play guitar and sing.  I should have had them sing with me, now that I've had some time to think about it!?!

In any case, I came on Jud's show regularly around 2003 until 2009 when he died.  Don't think I am a heartless, wicked faerie who has no heart.  Oh NO.  I miss Jud every day and night.  He always had my back, and all the people I know who have made fun of him for being older are stupid pieces of worthless shit.  Not everyone can be intelligent, and how well I know given the parents I chose and family and friends and my karma.  In the United States of Amuriika it doesn't pay to be intelligent, to be  an abstract thinker, unless you are able to decipher derivatives and speak audibly and with potential communicative value in a language from another planet.

Nevertheless, I was going to talk about Amma, and plug the faerie antithesis to Fecesbook.  It is called International Kirtan.com.  It is a marvelous creation.  It was created by a young American woman named Eve.  She lives around here.  Look it up.  Join if you think you have something conscious to share besides what your last dose of hair growth potion for the bald has done for you.

I shall return to Amma.  She deserves all the praise she gets.  When she walked out of the ashram tonight, some little kid whose parents were born in India, said, "Good night, Mommie."  There you have it.  You, too, like me, motherless, can have a mother.  Now what that means to you will be discussed sooner than later.

The night before my birthday, or how talking about political things makes one less popular than usual

My elder cousins called me for my birthday which I thought they knew was tomorrow. Oh well, we only grew up together. Every Saturday night my brother, father and I would have to go to my mother's sister's house for dinner. My aunt would, after serving mashed potatoes (of course, and I loved all the potato variety of dishes I had while in Scotland) and some sort of meat, and after having consumed about 5 "high balls"--drinking glasses full of ice cubes, whiskey or gin and some other substance, commence deriding someone sitting at the dinner table. Since I always kept my mouth tightly shut, I was not often a direct victim of these derisions. And, unfortunately, even though one of my two cousins would keep their mouths shut, one of them would become a target of their mother's hallucinations. It was too bad, really, that she so often had these really bad trips, one could say. Maybe, if she were given some peyote or mushrooms and let loose in the wild, she might find that staring up at the sky would be calming instead of infuriating.

Of course, I digress. I think I was talking about my cousins having called me today. We are all so much older now than we were then...kind of. The elder of the two, a natural red head, has remained the one with the most psychiatric need yet channels it into severe self-absorption. Her sister, one of two natural blondes in the family at large, has worked as a nurse for a very long time. In fact, she is the one who called me today. I have always preferred her company over her sister's, but since we are closer in age (only 5 years difference) and with the most experience with men, we tend to get competitive and insecure if one of us has a boyfriend and the other doesn't. I have noticed that when we both have boyfriends, and even if mine were somewhat scurrulous, there would be much less insecurity between us.

It's weird. I was really letting some anger out today and saying some very unpopular words for a polite person when speaking with Jeannie, the sexy, blonde should-have-been starlet who has worked as a nurse, giving people shots, sticking thermometers up their butts, and so forth. Her sister talks about herself, and if I were to say, "Oh, you almost fucking died from anemia this year," her response would be unpredictable. She admitted that she wished her 17-year-old cat would die. Pathetic, kind of...

And then there's the getting older part. Both of them still talk like they did when they were in high school. Somehow my voice and inflections are different. Patty, the elder one, said she thought she was getting old. I wonder if anyone remembers a stamp that the U.S. put out in the early eighties. It had a sepia line drawing of two elders and a baby. It had the caption "Aging Together." It used to crack me up....how existential.

Meanwhile, that was my connection to family for my birthday and for "the holidays." I went to a meditation/talk at the Shambhala Meditation Center in San Francisco on Wednesday night. The talks given here are very sophisticated and intellectual, especially the ones given by a pretty woman in her late fifties whose name I can't remember. Their are only three people that I have met there whose names I recall: Peter, Seth, and Yolanda. Of course, the woman is the most like me than the men. Peter used to work as a huge businessman in New York and owned a place in the West Village, and Seth I don't know about but I like his name. Yolanda is around my age, Latina and pretty. But she always looks sad. But I am afraid to ask why. In fact, I'm afraid to talk to many of the people there. But during the talk we are usually supposed to get into groups. We were to talk about what "wisdom tradition" we grew up under and what we feel about this other name for religion...kind of. The woman spoke about being brought up under Judaism and all she got out of it was that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. All I could think about was the picture on a poster I got at anti-war rally of a 9-year-old Palestinian boy with piss stains running down his pants surrounded by 4 Israeli soldiers, fully-armed, fully-grown men. The man in our group was from Iran and talked about how his father wasn't into Islam but his mother was so he tried to show some interest in it but was the least concerned about having to have his own 'wisdom tradition.' I spoke about my father being Catholic in a non-Catholic country and how I've embraced Hinduism and love all the gods and think about one of them every day and try to fit into Shambhala's wisdom tradition. The Virgen de Guadalupe is still an image I hold onto.

So, the very next day I had lunch with someone who comes from a completely other wisdom tradition than all these other people. We decided it was time for me to take down alot of my Hindu stuff...kind of, and not all of it. Then, I thought, I should get over my fear of having the least bit of awareness of Islam. I have two hijabs from Maroc and one from Egypt, thanks to my fwb of the past five years, Rene from Mexico City. He was always travelling. At least he brought me back some beautiful stuff, and even though sex and my undivided attention were all he ever wanted from me, I won't forget him. I just can't call him now if I need something...

I have been on my own now since September. Monday I got an iPhone for cheap (it's a 3G). Although I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't give someone whose parents came from India any bit of my attention (save this one for another time), I was chatting on OK Cupid with a guy who is part Indian and told me of one of the best Indian restaurants in the city (it's in the TL). We were then on our cellphones texting until I wrote that OK Cupid says it's OK to drink but that what most of us in my neighborhood (upper Haight) call medicine is called a 'drug.' He laughed. Then I wrote, "At least OK Cupid doesn't ask about my politics anymore." Then the guy stopped writing to me.

Planet Glee has become much more political. Last night I had the wonderous opportunity to hang out with an important filmmaker from Pakistan. I intend to work with this man on a doc...Someone we know who is from Belgium is almost finished with his doc on a similar topic. I wonder who will be less popular given the poppolitics of their work.

Why I can't write right now, or edit, or play guitar or finish DEATH ON THE INSTALLMENT PLAN

I feel like Frida Kahlo, no I don't know who feels like I do at this moment. Having a physical injury with pain, anxiety (will the pain stop--or, why can't I concentrate....) and wanting to do physical things are very antithetical things.

Unless one thinks of pilates or yoga, two breathing-method-based forms of core, 3rd chakra physical movement. Yesterday I had traction. It feels really good to be pulled out of pain and asked to keep the neck and head tucked in in ways that are unnatural to the person who got the pain there in the first place.

Nonetheless and what-then, I have not been able to do any video editing for 8 months. It's not that I love editing, but I do like to do it the way I do it and one day I will do it the way I want to do it and revolutionize cinematic narration.

And THEN, I'm talking a sound class for cinema class, and I want to play my guitar for some tracks. Who knows, maybe guitar-playing will make me feel less stuck in my body.

I just then had a negative thought. Om tare tu tare to re so ha